Tuesday, January 27, 2009

4328-2

I didn't reread this before I posted it, so it may still need some work, but here it is in a raw form.

Commence

Martin sat and stared out the window of the craft as it slowly made the descent to the ground below. “So this is where we came from” he thought when he saw the barren landscape dotted with drilling equipment and buildings and lined with railroads that lead this way and that across the land. It left him with an eerie feeling, knowing that our home planet had been destroyed through warfare, yet the lessons were not learned, and the war continued outside the boundaries of Earth. Was it just assumed that the damage had already been done and little more harm could be done to their environment?

The craft landed and shuddered slightly and the welcoming committee began to walk toward the ship. They were not dressed in the attire of typical dignitaries as he had expected but rather wore dirty, oily rags and they’re faces were oily and wet with sweat. They had no reason to look nice here, after all, this was no place for tea parties, it was a wasteland. “Sir, they’re waiting for you.” The captain yelled back. Slowly he stood up and grabbed his bag. He let out a sigh, not sure what to think now. He had eagerly anticipated his arrival, but was expecting a little more of a warm reception than this and it made him uneasy. This wasn’t going to be an effortless picnic, this was serious work, and he had a job to do.

Bag in hand, Martin stepped off the ship and onto the landing platform. The air was hot and heavy, it was hard to breath in and almost made him choke. Instantly he began to perspire as the heat and intense humidity overwhelmed his senses. “Welcome to Earth!” one of the oil stained men said as he took Martins free hand and gave it a good shake. Martin cracked a smile and nodded his head in acknowledgment. Another man walked up and took his bag and put it on an elevated train that was waiting for him by the platform. The men quickly surrounded him and he was led into the train where they sat down on the cushioned seats. The cars sliding doors closed together and the train began to move forward. He looked back at his only means of escaping the dreadful planet as it launched off the platform behind passing structures as the train moved forward. The ship he had arrived in was disappearing slowly in the distance.

He assumed the men whom he had met on the platform were the leaders of Earth as it is now, but he wasn’t sure, it seemed to him that they were too messy and disorganized. But what could he expect? Earth was a mine now, not a part of the confederation. The men began to talk to him, but he wasn’t paying attention. Their ceaseless mumblings were just barely background noise; he was preoccupied in his thoughts as he gazed out the window of the elevated train at the passing landscape. It was dark, the light of the sun didn’t have much of a chance at penetrating through the thick clouds that blanketed the atmosphere. The only source of light came from the floodlights on the ground and the lights from the machinery and buildings. They illuminated the clouds and turned them into a grayish purple that contrasted with the rocky terrain. Pits. A lot of pits in the ground lined with excavating equipment and Earth moving vehicles. The train just traveled on and the men sitting across from him continued to babble away unintelligibly.

After awhile, Martin looked up at them and said, “can we… like open… open a window or… something?”

“No, we can not.” Came their reply.

He pressed the matter, “…Why – wh-why is that? It smells like a trash incinerator in here.”

“That’s just something that we have to get used to around here. It’s not like where you come from I’m sure.”

19 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

GREAT! Dude, whats the story's name? 4328? I need specs!! But still, it really is, and i'm gonna continue saying this, an awesome idea. I know originality is hard to come by these days, seeing as we've got every person with imagination making movies of every possible thing. Seeing something new is always great :P

PS: excuse me for doing this, but here's link to my book that's hitting decks in april, check it out if you want.

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11:46 AM  
Blogger Joe Fool said...

Thanks man! I needed encouragement on this thing... I hardly ever get any feedback so that's important. I will make an effort to continue the story... we'll see how it goes. I am checking that site too.

12:39 PM  
Blogger Joe Fool said...

And yeah, the name is 4328... for lack of a better name. Plus I don't entirely know what its about yet :/

12:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol i totally understand. I usually develop the plot as I go along. it makes it more enjoyable to write :) I think its a gud name, but then again, it has to stand for something, right? is it the year in which the war is, or like the access code he needs to get out of the mines or... etc. =D

8:45 AM  
Blogger Joe Fool said...

Oh, right... that would be the year in which our adventure begins... sorry bout that :/

Started working on it again by the way, thanks for the motivation.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah the year! No problem man! Keep at it!

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